Miss You Most At Christmas Time
by The Jackal's Vixen
Summary: -2002- A song fic based on Mariah Carey's song. Its a gift to all of you, sort of my way of thanking you for all the support you've given me and your patience while I coped with my loss. Its Jason and Elizabeth set to Christmas of 2002. Truly Liason.


**Author's Note: I haven't written a one-shot in a while - a while being since March - so here is one inspired by the title of mandymld's Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Go check it out if you haven't already. I know its not Christmas - or anywhere near it - but this is the world of fanfiction and us fans make whatever we want, right? Enjoy.**

Christmas Eve. You can practically feel the spirit of Christmas floating through the city of Port Charles. Last minute shoppers scouring the malls and department stores for the perfect gift for their loved ones. Smiles on most of their faces, scowls of frustration on others, all feeling the Christmas spirit one way or another. Adding to the feel of the season, a white blanket of snow covers the entire town, lending some purity to a very imperfect town.

_The fire is burning_  
_The room's all aglow_  
_Outside the December wind blows_  
_Away in the distance the carolers sing in the snow_  
_Everybody's laughing_  
_The world is celebrating_  
_And everyone's so happy_  
_Except for me tonight_

Not everyone is happy during this holiday season though. There are those whose hearts are heavy with regret - choices they'd like to take back, moments they'd like to do over. Many residents of Port Charles know that the past can't be changed, altered, or erased. You make choices and in some ways those choices make you.

Two residents of Port Charles are feeling the Christmas spirit least of all than those around them. Jason Morgan and Elizabeth Webber. Both with heavy hearts and choices they'd give anything to take back. While he stands, guarding the sister of his best friend, Jason's mind travels to the woman that got away. The woman he let get away. And in some ways, the woman he chased away.

The cold never bothered him before. He never really felt it - not since he woke up from the coma. Either it was nerve damage or something else, but neither heat nor cold bothered him. That was, of course, until her. The warmth of her body against him, the warmth of her smile and her laughter, that warmth he could feel. He could feel it into the depths of his heart and soul.

That was before though - before the cold set in - the distance almost torturously painful. Had he never known the warmth she could exude, the distance and coldness wouldn't have been so hard to bear. But that wasn't the case and the way things ended almost maimed his life. He didn't know how he'd move on. How he'd accept she'd be out of his life for good.

He pretended well enough. Acting like it didn't affect him. That the way she ignored him didn't bother him. That nothing she did mattered to him in anyway. Soon enough it got easy - pretending to be someone that didn't care for her the way he did. That was until now. Now with the holiday season around them, her favorite holiday just hours away, the pain was back and in full force. The memories practically choking him with emotions buried deep.

_Because I miss you_  
_Most at Christmas time_  
_And I can't get you_  
_Get you off my mind_  
_Every other season comes along_  
_And I'm all right_  
_But then I miss you, most at Christmas time_

She wasn't having that great a day either. Her shopping hasn't been completed and she wouldn't be getting off of work until nightfall. In case you don't know what that means, it means that she wouldn't have much choices to pick from when she finally does go shopping. Add to it that he is standing in her place of work, guarding the blonde from hell, and her day just wasn't getting any better.

It hurt to see him. To know that their chances were gone. Anything that could or would have happened are no longer possible. It would be easier if she didn't know the warm side of him. The side that jokes and laughs - the part of him that smiles from ear to ear - the part that loves fiercely and completely.

She pretended though. Pretended like seeing him with her didn't affect her. That being around him was like being around a stranger, one she had no feelings for, and that didn't bother her in any way. Soon enough it became easy. She's done with everyone else, hiding how she truly feels, and it became easy with him too. But not now, not with her favorite holiday just hours away.

Not with him there, guarding her, knowing that he wouldn't be part of her holiday like he had been that fateful year. Its in this holiday that she misses him most and equally hates Sonny Corinthos. She avoids him, pretending like he's not there, but she's acutely aware of him in spite of herself.

She senses his every movement, when he stretches before retaking his previous position, the way his eyes follow her around the room. She doesn't want it to affect her, she acts like it doesn't, but it does. It always does. Finally a small miracle occurs and she's finally off her shift. He wouldn't be leaving any time soon, giving her the chance to leave with some dignity.

As she slips out of her apron and into her coat, his eyes never leave her, watching her as she secures her tips in her purse and walks to the door - right beside where he's standing. She stops for a brief moment, he can see she doesn't want to look at him and he doesn't blame her. It hurt to look at her, too, but he couldn't help it. Maybe he's slightly masochistic because no matter how much it hurts to look at her, he can't do anything but.

"Merry Christmas, Jason." she says in a soft voice that he almost misses it, but glad that he didn't.

"Merry Christmas." his voice just above a whisper, sending a surge of emotions through her body. "Elizabeth."

Painfully, she walks out of the diner, not looking at him, but he knows. He knows that she's affected just as much as he is, that she regrets like he regrets and it dulls his pain slightly. Knowing that she's going through what he's going through.

While he remains standing there, not caring for the holiday season, she is making her way into the department store to finish her shopping. Her heart wasn't in it this year, but those she loves deserve a gift and so she'll shop. She'll shop for them, show them she cares, and then she'll return to her studio all alone.

Many have invited her to spend Christmas with them, but she couldn't. It was just too much to bear. Putting a smile on, acting like everything was okay even though it wasn't. As much as she loved her friends and family, it was just too much to ask for from her.

_I gaze out the window_  
_This cold winter's night_  
_At all of the twinkling lights_  
_Alone in the darkness_  
_Remembering when you were mine_  
_Everybody's smiling_  
_The whole world is rejoicing_  
_And everyone's embracing_  
_Except for you and I_

The blonde in question, the one that he guards, watches with sadness as he stares out the door. The love of his life, it was evident in his eyes, though the brunette couldn't see that his heart was still hers to keep. Courtney, that's her name, she wishes he would see her, truly see her, but he doesn't. No matter what she has said or done, he wasn't hers. He probably never would be and that breaks her heart.

When he started guarding her, she had hoped he would feel something, but he doesn't. She could see it now, he'd never be hers no matter how much she wanted to him be. No matter how much scheming and manipulating she and Carly did, his heart was for the aspiring artist and that would never change.

Tears in her eyes, she watches as he stares out the door, probably thinking of her - as he always is. Soon she'd be off of work and he'd follow her home, making sure she gets there safely, as always. She'll try to talk to him, wishing he'd really talk to her, only for him to say nothing meaningful and everything she didn't want to hear.

_Baby I miss you  
Most at Christmas time  
And I can't get you  
Get you off my mind  
Every other season comes along  
And I'm all right  
But then I miss you, most at Christmas time_

It had been easier a few months ago, when he was with her and she was with his brother. She had longed for him then, but it was easier when they were with others. Now both single, the feeling of Christmas all around them and love in the air, it hurt. It hurt to see him, to know that his heart would never be hers. It didn't mean she wouldn't still try, because god forbid she ever gave up. A glimmer of hope is all she hopes for, to give her some faith that he'd be hers.

"Jason, are you okay?" she asks, hoping he'd open up to her, but her heart drops - like always - when he doesn't.

"I'm fine." he says in that tone he always uses. "You should get inside. Marco and Vince will be guarding you tonight."

"Have you figured out your plans for Christmas?" she tries again, the distance in his eyes almost killing her.

"No." Jason shakes his head. "I haven't."

"Oh, okay." she takes a deep breath, opening the door and getting down. "Thanks for the ride."

"Its my job." Jason says, crushing her heart in the process, she sure its unknowingly.

He waits for her to walk inside before he drives away. She watches through her window, heart breaking and tears falling as he leaves. Jason's mind is on other things, other people, mostly on Elizabeth. He drives the distance, getting into his penthouse and locking the door behind him.

_In the springtime those memories start to fade_  
_With the April rain_  
_Through the summer days_  
_Till autumn's leaves are gone_  
_I get by without you_  
_Till the snow begins to fall_

Why did it have to be so hard? Missing her and wanting her close. How he wishes he could forget again, being with a clean slate and not know what loving her felt like, but he's also glad he remembers. That he knows what loving her felt like. What it felt like to hold her, to kiss her, to want her and need her. Loving Robin had been intense and life changing, but it was different with Elizabeth.

It felt different - stronger - almost everlasting. As he stands by the balcony, looking out at the city, Jason remembers their Christmas together. He remembers the small Christmas tree, the gift she hands him to put under the tree and then the kiss on his cheek. It was so simple yet so complex. It meant more than both of them could ever comprehend, but both accepted.

Elizabeth finishes off her shopping and drops off the wrapped gifts to their respective recipients. With the deliveries finished, she makes her way back to her studio. After locking the door behind her, Elizabeth tosses her things to the side before walking over to the closet. Bending down, she reaches for a potted plant, the Christmas tree from their time together. It was strange how it didn't seem to grow tall, but it did grow out a little.

She had thought it would die by now. She wasn't exactly a gardener with a green thumb, but yet there it was. Still alive, still decorated the way they made it, and it made her smile. Taking a deep breath, she sets it up on the desk in the same place it had been that year. Memories overwhelming her, but she accepts them and the feelings they make her feel.

_And then I miss you_  
_Most at Christmas time_  
_And I can't get you_  
_Get you off my mind_  
_Every other season comes along_  
_And I'm all right..._  
_But then I miss you, most at Christmas time_

With the tree in place, Elizabeth puts on some Christmas music, trying to fill the silence that surrounds her. Once again thoughts of him fill her mind and she starts to miss him even more. There was so much she wanted to say to him, more than just Merry Christmas, but they weren't her words to say anymore. Things were over between them and she had to accept it.

Her nerves getting to her, she stands up and makes hot cocoa in a pot, pouring herself a cup before sitting back down. She's not seated for that long though, a knock on the door causing her to rise to her feet again. She's not sure who it would be, having seen all her friends and family already, but she walks to the door regardless.

The door causes her to pause, its his door, the door he had installed for her. It takes her a moment to regain herself before she pulls open the door and is stopped in her tracks. It was him. He's standing there, looking at her and she's frozen. She couldn't believe he was real, that he was really there, yet he was.

He's not sure how he found the courage to be there, but soon enough he was knocking on the door. A part of him hoped she wasn't there, that she hadn't come home yet, but a bigger part was relieved when she pulled open the door. The door he got for her, hoping it would help her feel safe.

She doesn't say anything, simply stepping aside to allow him entrance into her home. He follows her lead, not saying anything, but walking inside at her unspoken invitation. Closing the door, she turns to look at him, her back flush against the door behind her. She didn't know what to say, if there was anything to say, and it seemed he felt the same way.

"Our tree." he finally voices, noticing the tree on the desk. "I didn't think it'd still be alive."

"Surprises me too." Elizabeth walks over to stand beside him, admiring their tree. "Its still my favorite tree."

"Mine, too." Jason looks down at her. "I guess you're wondering why I'm here?"

"Kinda." Elizabeth turns to look at him, prompting him to do the same. "Is everything okay?"

"Not really." Jason takes a deep breath before taking her hands in his. "I miss you...now more than ever."

"I miss you, too." Elizabeth says, staring into her eyes. "But we've been here before, nothing's changed."

"You're right." Jason strokes her hands with his thumbs. "Nothing has changed. We still feel something for each other, something that just doesn't want to go away."

"Jason." she tries to speak, but its hard with him so close.

"I know its gonna be hard, but I let you go too easily last time." Jason takes a deep breath, voicing his feelings have never been easy. "I won't let you go this time. Not without a fight."

He's saying everything she's ever wanted to hear, but it doesn't feel like enough. She's been hurt by him before and he's been hurt by her, she just doesn't see how it could work. He reaches into his pocket, pulling out something that he had been holding onto for a while. Her eyes go wide, she couldn't believe it even though it was right in front of her. Her breath caught in her throat as he takes out the ring and slips it onto her finger.

"Will you marry me?" he asks, staring into her eyes as he waits with bated breath for her answer.

"Yes." Elizabeth breathes, shaking her head as tears fill her eyes. "Yes, I'll marry you!"

A holiday season that started off as one of the darkest they've lived through, now has the happy ending of a beautiful Christmas miracle. Two pieces of a whole, finally back where they belong, with hope of the future that lays ahead. The road in front of them will not be without bumps and tribulations, but somehow they felt like they could make it. As long as they both stay strong and weather it together. Two halves of a whole. In love and in life.

**Author's Note: Hope you liked it. I know it's Memorial Day on Monday, my heart goes out to all of you who have lost family in the armed services. I know what that feels like and my prayers are with all of you. **  
**Reviews of any kind are accepted and I truly hope it helped with your Liason love needs.**


End file.
